In real estate, the mantra is location, location, location. With parenting and teaching, the mantra is relationship, relationship, relationship. Without relationship between adult and child, it's very hard to discipline effectively. Effective discipline guides a child towards pro-social behavior - that behavior which helps all involved maintain their dignity and respect. Correcting behavior without connecting first, can often create power struggles between the adult and child, which adds to frustration and lack of positive relationship between adult and child.
Doesn't it take too much time to connect first? How does one connect first?
Sometimes, it may seem like there isn't time to connect first, before correcting, because children are at risk safety-wise. However, you can still connect first with your approach. Using a kind and firm tone shows the child you care and are setting boundaries, too (versus yelling), even in a safety-related situation. Think of the friendly fireman helping a child out of a burning house. The fireman's calm voice helps the child to remain calm, too, and feel safer and more reassured.
A few ways to connect first with children before correcting, whether they are your own, those you teach, or those you come in contact with, in general: Say "hello"Introduce yourselfSay something encouraging about themAsk them their thoughts on the situationAsk for their help to resolve this situation Above all else, remember: Connect Before Correct to move towards Relationship, Relationship, Relationship with the children in your life!
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