Positive Discipline Tool Card: Listen
Positive Discipline Teacher's Tool Cards by Jane Nelsen and Kelly Gfroerer and Positive Discipline Parenting Tool Cards by Jane Nelsen and Adrian Garsia, each offer 52 Positive Discipline tools that are available to help with many teaching and parenting challenges. Listen is the highlighted tool in this blog post.
After trying out this tool with the children in your life, please share a story of success, or struggle, you've had with it. Thank you! The more you apply the Positive Discipline teaching and parenting tools, the more they will become a part of your own lifestyle. Practice makes better!
Story - High school Math teacher, Mr. Jackson, had been unsuccessful the last time he tried talking to sophomore student Tony about his constant talking with his friends during lectures. In retrospect, Mr. Jackson realized he had been interrupting Tony every time he didn't give the answer he was looking for and told Tony to just stop during his lectures. This didn't stop Tony from talking and actually made things worse, where Tony became more disruptive.
This time, when he talked with Tony, Mr. Jackson decided to really listen to Tony, without interrupting, to find out what was going on for him. Mr. Jackson used #3 above and said, each time Tony stopped, "Anything else?". When Tony was done, Mr. Jackson had a discussion about how to get what they both wanted during the day - Tony listening to Mr. Jackson's math lectures and Tony getting to talk with his friends. By really listening, Mr. Jackson learned that Tony didn't understand what Mr. Jackson was teaching and didn't want his friends to know, so he'd talk with them instead. This led to Mr. Jackson working with Tony outside of class to help him catch up in math.
Story - Caryn and her 12-year-old daughter, Emily, would get into intense arguments, that left both of them hurt and feeling misunderstood. Neither felt the other was listening to them. What generally happened is Caryn would lose her patience when Emily started talking while Caryn tried to "educate" her on what she was doing wrong.
Feeling worn out from her battles with Emily, Caryn decided to do something different. The next time they started arguing, Caryn asked Emily if they could sit down so Caryn could really listen to her. She asked Emily to tell her what she was feeling and what was happening for her. Then Caryn shared and they both focused on solutions, picking one they agreed to use.
Where can you purchase these tool card decks? The card decks are available at www.positivediscipline.com (Select products, then select tool cards) and there are versions available for iPhone and Android in the App stores on the phones.